So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize