Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
