I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
