Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
