Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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