I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
