Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
