I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My hand turned me down
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
