Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
