Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
