Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drunk is not a location!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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