Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
