then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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