i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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