she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
