I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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