i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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