Will you blow on my dice?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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