Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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