I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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