Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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