My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
