I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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