i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
