I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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