Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize