Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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