HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
