he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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