hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
