That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
