So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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