he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize