I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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