doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
