After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
