Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
