It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
