Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize