They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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