You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
