I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont even know how to be here
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
