Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
