Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
