Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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