My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
