if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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