Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
