yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
