i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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