Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bring me that man meat
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