It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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