remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
