if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
false alarm, still single
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