if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize