I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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