I just made out with a guy for $7.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
