i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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