I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize