I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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