I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
