i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
