Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
