But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
