i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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