I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
