she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize